Wednesday, May 22, 2024

PSG: A Satisfied Trophy Wife

In football, there are only two clubs that have been spoiled filthy rotten by their oil baron owners. But only one happens to play in the most romantic city in the world. Paris Saint-Germain (PSG) have said “ou la la” to all their Qatari owner’s lavish presents. They’ve embraced the musk-scented Sand People under the condition of national domination, through the promise of continental supremacy and, by extension, to be remembered in the history books as the greatest club to ever trod on grass. But just how did those deep black gold pockets manage to convince an entire city to fall head over heels for them? Well, simply through the art of seduction.

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More precisely, calculated seduction. The Qatari owner knew how to get the backing of the fans and the local pundits by investing. Stuffing PSG like a thanksgiving turkey with lots of cash as the plan was to solidify the structure of the club through multiple project investments. But it’s not what you do but how you go about doing it, right? For that, the owner adopted the parental approach. He was not just the sugar daddy; he was also a father figure. Commanding reassurance, portraying confidence, and giving the children what they really wanted to hear. A promise that they will have amazingly great toys in the form of players.

Phase two of seduction: stuff more money but in different shinier commodities. Nothing sparkles for a club than what goes on the pitch. That’s where we can see the results of all that cash. Which is why purchasing players is the ultimate gift you can give fans. Of course, you can just go out, buy a diamond necklace, shove it in the box and hand it to the trophy wife. You need to create a scene that would be memorable throughout the sands of time. And that’s what the owners did when they purchased Neymar from Barcelona, which till today is the world’s largest fee. They announced it to their fans by renting out the Eiffel Tower and displaying the news on it…Ou la la. Of course, the gifts are nice. They’re chic and sexy but a trophy wife wants an actual trophy.


Phase three: promise her the big prize. What has eluded PSG has been the UEFA Champions League. Without it in their trophy cabinet it will be seen as a catastrophic failure after all the years of wooing. To their credit, the owner promises and backs up his word by signing the best available players and managers to get the job done. They had a sniff of the trophy a couple of seasons ago but that’s as close as they got. In a bizarre turn, the constant failure is just making the fans, ownership, players, and everyone associated with PSG a little hungrier for it. Every season the outcome is No! No! No! But when it’s finally going to be a definite yes(!) the ecstasy would reach a volcanic climax. And here’s one reason why they could achieve it this season.

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Phase four: get her what her friends have. This is the all or nothing season for PSG. It is clear ownership has had enough of “No.” So they went out and signed players that are the best in their positions. Creating a mega-super team that not even the Abu Dhabi group at Manchester City would have thought possible. The Qatari ownership assembled a team of veteran mercenaries that are unstoppable on their day and, to put the cherry on top of another cherry, they will be adding the best player in the world Lionel Messi. PSG are stripping him from Barcelona just like they stripped Real Madrid of their captain Sergio Ramos just like they took the winner of the player of the Euro 2020 tournament from AC Milan. The “No” stops this season.

PSG is a satisfied trophy wife but hasn’t reached the total orgasmic sensation that was promised during the courting stage. But it looks to change this season, after all, the 2022 Qatar World Cup right around the corner and I’m sure the PSG ownership would love to relieve some of that tension in their shoulders by delivering the trophy that their trophy wife was promised. As it is well documented, there’s nothing more annoying and piercing than a nagging, petulant and insufferable football club.


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