Wednesday, May 22, 2024

A Cure, or a Great Party……something Gotta Give

There is a schizophrenic, hypocritical, and somewhat bipodal attitude amongst the failed class of Lebanese politicians, or that cast of people that calls itself as such because the word ‘class’ bestows upon it something it seriously lacks and will never attain in this, or other lifetimes.

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Those who have found their interest or solace or refuge with the ‘war mongers’ meaning Iran et al, are incensed, almost genuinely, from the interference of other nations into Lebanon’s political morass. As if ‘intervention’ or ‘foreign influence’ is a monopoly for their Persian Patrons or their Mullah Masters and no one else, except occasionally, a silly Macron whose Total Energies diplomacy is dictated by Teheran for projects it intends to undertake in Iraq, Lebanon, and maybe Syria. Then and only then, a messenger from the Elysée in the shape of a tired and nonchalant Yves Ledrian is welcomed. Also, when the US is in a moment of temporary ‘détente’ with Iran and it dispatches Amos Hochstein to delineate some maritime or land border, breakfast is served for the super diplomat and a tour is arranged to visit the ancient town of Baalbeck. However, if a Shia intellectual meets with a cultural attaché from the US embassy in Beirut, he is dubbed as the Embassy’s lackey. Or, when one Twitter-trigger happy opposition leader calls for alignment with the Arab world as a political and economic ‘block’, he is called an Israeli appeaser and maybe, a dormant agent.

Conversely, those who claim to be ‘sovereigntists’, for whatever this undefined and general term means, are the first to be outraged for the lack of interest by foreign nations in their version of sovereignty of Lebanon. So, where is Saudi Arabia, they clamor all day? Meaning are the Saudis going to give us funds and support us so we can ‘nominally oppose’ Iran and its local allies, or are we to spend another year on a meager budget? Is Qatar serious in its support of one candidate over another? This is not a question; but an inquisition about how much Qatar is willing to pay in bribes for parliamentarians to vote for this or that other candidate? They also worry whether they will be invited to a cocktail party at the US Embassy, to show their local supporters and opponents alike, that they are still close to foreign powers, those same powers that supposedly transgress on a nation’s sovereignty. Or worse, watch them when they are outraged at the position of the French envoy, not because he’s ‘interfering with our sovereignty’ but because he’s adopting the other camp’s point of view. So, it is not the principle of foreign intercession in national affairs that bother these sovereigntists, but whether their own objectives are met or not. It’s a cheeky form of sovereignty, don’t you agree?  

The rest of this article is Chat GPT generated:

Ah, the Lebanese politicians and their ever-spinning mood wheel! If we want to cure their schizophrenic and bipodal attitude, we might need a sprinkle of creativity and a dash of humor.

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Picture this: Let’s organize a grand, over-the-top Lebanese-themed costume party! Imagine all the politicians donning different personas for the night. They could trade their suits for fancy dress outfits that represent the opposing views they hold. Perhaps one could be Lady Liberty, while the other becomes a Phoenician warrior.

During the party, they’d be encouraged to engage in friendly debates and discussions, but only in character! This way, they’d be forced to see issues from multiple perspectives. We could even introduce a “Truth Serum Punch” that encourages honesty – a sip of this magical concoction and, voila, they spill their true feelings!

For entertainment, we’d have a dance-off to merge their bipolar attitudes into a rhythmic harmony. Lebanese Dabke and salsa, anyone?

Of course, this is all in good fun. But who knows? After a night of laughter, dancing, and a pinch of empathy, our politicians might just start seeing eye to eye on a few issues. And if not, at least we’ll have thrown the party of the century! 🎉✨

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